MOUNTAIN HOME AIR FORCE BASE, IDAHO — In what wildlife aviation biologists are hailing as “the most awkwardly intimate nature documentary moment since those pandas gave up on sex,” shocking footage has surfaced of two majestic EA-18G Growler fighter jets attempting their legendary high-altitude mating ritual during Sunday’s Gunfighter Skies Air Show.
The pair, identified by sharp-eyed plane nerds as “NJ-502” and “NJ-540,” were captured circling each other in a display of raw aerial foreplay before locking into what experts call the “sacred docking maneuver.” “Both animals can clearly be seen successfully blowing their loads mid-air as per the ancient Growler ritual,” explained Dr. Harlan Thrustwell of the Institute for Phallic Flight Dynamics. “Flares popping, jamming pods throbbing… it was pure poetry in motion, sponsored by the Department of War and several confused taxpayers.”
Tragedy struck seconds later. Unable to separate from their passionate mid-air embrace, the two Growlers spiraled downward in a fiery tango of regret and jet fuel, ultimately plummeting into the ground in a spectacular crash that left both magnificent beasts deceased on impact. Eyewitnesses described the scene as “less ‘Top Gun’ and more ‘When Animals Attack… With Afterburners.’” 
Adding a layer of macabre comedy to the disaster, an Air Force F-22 Raptor was later spotted loitering near the wreckage, its stealthy silhouette circling like a horny vulture. “It looked like it wanted to either eat the corpses or fuck them — possibly both,” one local observer told reporters while nervously sipping a beer. “You know how those Raptors get when fresh meat drops from the sky. Total freaks.”
In a rare stroke of good fortune for the aerospace industry, Boeing executives were reportedly “ecstatic” that this particular catastrophe couldn’t be blamed on them for once. A company spokesperson issued a terse statement: “We’re just happy it wasn’t on us this time. Our Growlers performed exactly to spec — poorly, but spectacularly. The pilots are fine, the planes are… not. Moving on.”
Pentagon officials have launched a full investigation into “inter-jet relations protocols,” while urging all future Growler pairs to “practice safe docking” and perhaps invest in some emotional intelligence training.
The crash has already inspired a new line of merchandise: “Growler Mating Festival” T-shirts featuring the slogan “It’s Not a Bug, It’s a Feature… Of Love.”
